Do I make you smile?

When you're alone and lost

in your thoughts 

When you wake up in the morning 

When you look into the blue sky

Do I make your heart skip a beat?

Do I make you smile?

While walking along the busy road 

While travelling in your car 

While you have your festive lunch

Do I warm your heart with a smile?

Do I make you smile?

In the night when you go out with your friends 

In the twilight when the sun sets 

Inside your room before you go to sleep 

Do I make your eyes long for me?

Do I make you smile?

And if you wonder why I ask 

I can only give you this reason 

For in every minute my hearts beats 

For in every moment I blink 

I think of you 

and in those moments of bliss 

my heart sets a thousands ships 

You make me smile, yes you do 

04.01.13 3.46 am

I Circumnavigated My Parallel Universe Twice in 15 Minutes

One bad thing about diving into juvenile fiction is that you sometimes fail to differentiate reality from the pigments of your imagination. Hence, when I went for my break, I dreamt of you handsome. At least that’s what I believed had happened. But looking back, I think I just drifted away momentarily while I listen to Katharine Macphee on replay. Now, drifting away is not really a deeps sleep but simply resting your eyes and relaxing your mind and letting your ears take over. As a result of this, my heightened sense of hearing woke me up hastily after hearing the call bell so I did get up and returned from my break ten minutes early. I decided to make myself a cup of tea, something Kiwi that has rubbed on me. After a while I managed to get my tea right-not too strong with little milk and two sugars please. I like my tea sweet.

One thing I learned about myself in the past few days is that I loathe competition. That f you compare me to somebody, say for example at work, I slack off and don’t give my best. I think I mentioned it before, probably a year or two, that I do not bear any interest on competition as it bores me. But also because everyone is made differently, does the term ‘individuality’ ring a bell? because I believe in it as much as I believe fairness and equality. So, if you want to see me fly high, let me do my own thing.

Another point I just picked up just about an hour ago is that my parallel universe is a complex thing. As Dr. Bailey would have described a great white tumor, so is my universe--dangerous, scary, smart and beautiful. How do you call that creature that is hard on the outside but hollow on the inside? Which reminds me of a scene in Bob Ong’s “Alamat ng Gubat” wherein a lobster is sun bathing on the shore. When Tong asked him what is he doing, he answered, “I am doing nothing”. Tong replied, “then you are not doing anything” to which the wise lobster replied, “not doing anything is different from doing nothing, for when I do nothing I am actually doing something but when you are not doing anything you do not have anything’. Dazed and confused Tong yielded and left while reiterating in his mind the lobster’s argument. However, the lobster eventually died from doing nothing. For although he is wise, he is still not smart enough to forget one important thing, that living under the sun 24/7 and not moving can roast a lobster. Tong found the horrifying sight of his shell lying on the shore being washed away by the waves.

In relation with this, my parallel universe is protected by a shell where it hosts and protects many chambers where I keep my thoughts. One chamber spilled the beans and told an intruder that I get intimidated easily, that if you want me to back off like a rattled dog all you have to do is just give me the look of scrutiny. Inspect me as if I am a package going to the customs, look at me from head to foot and then you will see me ten steps away from you. However, the neighbouring chamber door is equally talkative as the I-get-intimidated-easily door. She said, “Though she gets intimated easily, she too can give that ‘look’ without her knowing. As sweet as her smile can be her ‘look’ can be nasty and mean which is totally opposite of what you know of her. Watch her roll her eyeballs and you’ll see what I mean”.

Apart from this door, there are also some intriguing ones like the insecurity door, the fat boy image door, the I-am-better-than-you door, the i-don’t-like-taking-a-bath-on-weekends door, the secret of others-girls door, the secret of others-boys door, the secret of Ally Alembong door and the i-don’t-really-like-small-talks-when-i-don’t-know-you door. The most used chamber doors can be easily identified as they are kept clean and tidy or messy depending on demands. Among these are the i-love-reading-even-those-vandalism-on-the-wall door, the music door, the i-love-movies-minus-the-popcorn door, the i-always-zone-out-when-I’m-alone door and the loose your sense of direction door. And before I forget the new favourite door, the right and left confusing door. But among the others and probably all of the doors, the one that remains a mystery to everyone is the-door-of-things-that-I-forgot-but-cannot-remember. She cannot access this door because the server doesn’t want to log her in for it is the best for her. But sometimes the server gives her some blurred images from the inside to create more confusion for her. And all of these chambers are write-protected by the shell. Few were given a chance to enter and explore but none has passed through all doors successfully for the parallel universe of mine is like the Labyrinth, it change every time. It shows areas that I know are safe. So if you want to know more, ask. For if you ask I get to sort it out or better yet let me ask for you will know which door is at work if you read my questions and listen carefully.

So this is how juvenile books cloud your reality and pillars of imagination. It fills your heart with happy thoughts, fills your pocket with all sorts of magic dusts, gives you crimson dreams, summons your inner peter pan, blows your happy bubble, gives you a leprechaun to tease and gives your vocabulary a perky make over. So go on indulge and along the way who knows you’ll meet the carpenters or find the long lost Atlantis or be transported to Emerald City or if you’re lucky enough get a golden ticket not to Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory but inside my perilous mind.

29.12.12
4.54 am

Sayonara 2012

Dear 2012,

                Since I started my writing this year with the opening phrase ‘dear’, I believe it is just proper to close it with the same phrase. Hence, I’ll say ‘Dear 2012’. Now that your days are numbered and your time is up, I think it is a human nature to look back and remember how you tossed my life during your reign…It seems just yesterday when I welcomed father 2009 and called him ‘my so-rockin’ 2009’. But time flies especially when you are lost in your own wilderness and wandering around like an old demented patient.

                This year is like seating in a roller coaster ride while eating ice cream on cone. It's crazy! I had a good number of ups but my downs are more than my ups. One moment everything is fine, the next moment I woke up seating on a plane going somewhere far. Then the next time I opened my eyes, I’m million miles away from home and is approximately five steps away from Antartica. It took a while before I recovered from my overwhelming shock.

                This year, I learned a lot and oh boy! I learned it the hard way. 2012 constantly reminded me that Plan B is a must. It made me realize as well how lucky I am back home and how hard it is for parents to raise their kids. This realization made me proud of my family and made me love them more. You really don’t know what you have until you get separated from them. And because of this I have a lot to thank for to 2012…

…for making me fall down over and over again

…for making me realize that forever is only applicable to you if your last name is Cullen

…for making me learn to keep up with individual differences of other people

…for teaching me that a good pair of shoed should be durable enough to get you home when you’re lost

…teaching me the valuable lesson of time management and friendship

…that there is a limit to what a person can take

…that assumption and expectation should be avoided as much as possible

…that preparation is better than ending up being sorry

…that in time, like the sediments, things will settle in eventually

…that a love-hate relationship can be cool sometimes

…that there are better things to do than being sorry for yourself and whining over things that cannot be changed anymore

…that throwing things is not a good way to handle anger

…that it’s ok to fall down as long as you know when to rise up and kick them back

…that as long as you can read, you’ll never get lost

…that no matter how painful things are, they too shall pass

…that players should never be trusted

…that lies and truth both hurts

…that it is ok to splurge once in a while when you know that you deserve it

…that there are scars that will never heal, thus, try not to hurt another person

…that chocolates are life saver

…that words are like scissors

…that at the end of the day it all comes back to your choice

…that debts are not nice

…that someone maybe looking at you when you thought you’re alone

…that I’m still a child

…that I should, like Callie Torres, stand tall, even if I’m just 5’2”

…that I should train my mind and tongue to work together

…that the world can rob me of my innocence but then again I should continue to fight and protect my five-year old like heart if I still want to be me

…that it’s hard to earn money

…that the heart forgives but never forgets

…that as the Alchemist said, what happens once will definitely happen again

…that our influence over the others run long

…that you don’t need someone to take care of you, unless you are physically incapable

…that all your life you’ve live alone starting from conception (unless you have a twin), so there’s no reason kill yourself when someone leaves you

…that being too open and passive kills your sensitivity

…that jealousy is a scary green eyed monster

…that being humble is being blessed

…that you should not dwell in the past

…that some secrets should be kept secret for the good of the others

…that to initiate change, check yourself first

…that after checking yourself, become an example

…that you don’t always get what you want

…that you should learn when to yield

…that it is not a defeat to surrender

…that exploring is either good or bad depending on the situation

…that giving chips to the pigeons is dangerous for their health

…that human falters but God never

…that prayers can take you to your dreams and can go long

…that being angry for a long time consumes the goodness in your body

…that instead of cursing and complaining, start to pray

…that you should never open your mouth if nothing good will come out of it

…that you should not judge anyone

…that everyday is a miracle

…that you should work hard then play hard and sleep long like sleeping beauty

…that diamonds aren’t a girl’s bestfriend but lipstick and perfume are

…that the obsessive gene can be annoying sometimes

…that ignorance is not a valid excuse

…that you can learn if you put your heart in it

…that accountability and responsibility are big words, so as settle

…that it’s ok to cry sometimes

…that Monica and I are somewhat similar

…that if you don’t practice your multiplication table you’ll forget it

…and that most importantly, God is always with me 24/7, no matter what

 

Sayonara 2012! It’s such a shame you passed by quickly without me noticing it. But you know what they say about time, that it passes by fast when you’re having fun. So therefore, I conclude, that I had a blast on your roller coaster =)

Dear 2013,

You better be good to me or else…or else... I’ll figure my way out of your maze =)

P.S.

                Mr. 2012, 12.21.12 is not true after all =)

12.28.12 3.32am  

Plee of Vindication

You..of all the people I know, why do you have to make my life so difficult? By any chance, do I owe you something from my past life? Maybe that's why your curse keeps crawling back to me. Was eleven years still not enough to vindicate me that now you're back and not only that, you brought an irksome woman with you this time.

Does it make you happy to see me fall to pieces? Is it fun to watch while your woman throw stones against me? All along I thought you knew me, maybe I was wrong. Maybe I was too kind to even offer friendship after the storm between us.

You always treat me as if I owe you your happiness. Now I know I was stupid to even let my guilt took over me. Making up for what I thought was my faults is my biggest mistake. You're still the same, you always manage to make me feel that everything I did was wrong and that the rightful one is you. You always depend on me to fix things that you broke.

Honestly, between the two of us, wasn't it I who has the right to cut off every communication line with you? You'll come to me in times of your need at the most unholy hour of the night just to pour out your heart because you can't find comfort in her. You ask for the impossible things. You were always the sly one. Now that she is furious with me, what did you do? Not only did you let me down... You never stood up for me when it was you who kept on bugging my perfectly happy life. But you did not stop there. You even stripped me of my right to express myself and ask support from my peers. Too much for freedom of expression eh? You even begged me to go out of her sight, to forgive her, to understand and to let go when I never did anything wrong in the first place. You asked me to shut up while she goes around blabbing things against me. Seriously, this is too much.

You want me to do these things just because I knew better? Some friend you are! Am I not entitled to feel the emotion so-called pain? Why don't you take responsibility for your actions? Here you go again..Do you want me to take all the blame for you? You just know my name when your world is nearing its extinction. But after the hurricane, how do you repay me? You mock me and the things that I love because they don't fit into your standards. Have you ever did the same thing I have done for you? All you know is how to take, you never give. I hate her but right now my everything loathes you. I have forgotten you a long time ago. I have no recollection of our past and to me it's just a mere stain on my dysfunctional memory. Stop bragging my name in your fights, it's degrading. And I don't care about you two for heaven's sake! This time you've disappointed me too much.

a short journey..Super Junior

My heart that loved you
my eyes that looked at you
ARE STILL HERE.

Oh baby say goodbye, for a short while goodbye
The talk about goodbye, I'll put it aside for a short while
When I open that door and take one step
your breath that's conveyed to the tip of my nose

In the cold wind the feeling of your warm hand stays for a while
all your traces become tears and stay on my cheeks
After I go on for a trip for a short while and wipe of my heart wrenching wound
after time passed by when I meet you I will tell you that I missed you

Oh baby say goodbye, for a short while goodbye
The talk about goodbye, I'll put it aside for a short while
When I open that door and take one step
your breath that's conveyed to the tip of my nose

Today when the sun sets and the moon rises again, it's still the same
oh why is my heart changing this fast
Your appearance that resembled the blue sky rains
when my body gets wet from this rain I'll hide my running tears

Oh baby say goodbye, for a short while goodbye
The talk about goodbye, I'll put it aside for a short while
When I open that door and take one step
your breath that's conveyed to the tip of my nose

In the past when I did whatever I wanted and was foolish
you who embraces all of that are really precious

Oh baby say goodbye, for a short while goodbye
The talk about goodbye, I'll put it aside for a short while
When I open that door and take one step
your breath that's conveyed to the tip of my nose

Oh baby say goodbye, for a short while goodbye
I'll go back to the place when I once was
When I open that door and take one step
so that I can stand in front of you who i missed

My heart that loved you
my eyes that looked at you
I'll WAIT...



@monsterlyrics.blogspot.com thanks ^^

my birthday wish list :)

tee-hee! april is now here! well, actually I'm a bit late because it's gonna end soon :) but anyways, its my birth month! :D

so for my birthday here's my new wish list :

1.a SLR cam (sige naman na haha)

2. a laptop

3. a blackberry

4. paints and brushes

5. elmer's glue

6. portable dvd player

7. double-sided tape

wow that's a lot :) but this is just a 'wishlist' but seriously i'd appreciate a double-sided tape cause I ran out of stock for my scrapbook..happy earth day!

post graduation thoughts

Today my new day starts. An opening door to what had closed. It may sound cliche (I think that's why they are called cliche because they actually work) but now is the time to reap the fruits of my labor for the past three years of my life. My post graduate degree is finally finished. There have been many instances in which I had to give up something to keep with the demands of my studies. I gave up love, friends, time and energy. But I never quit because I believe someday God will reward me for my sacrifices.

It is true indeed that graduation is not the end but rather a start. I personally consider it as the beginning of an adventure to professionalism and personal growth. Bright ideas flow vigorously through a graduate's vein. However the whole new world that awaits them is not what they expect it to be. It is harsh and chaotic, and if one is not tough enough he may get himself lost. The cruel reality kills idealism which I consider as the main culprit for the death of vibrant and optimist people. But as I o on my journey I learned that if you want to survive fight for your right. Stand up for yourself. Immerse yourself to people and learn how to choose those that will help you reach your goal. Environment plays an important key role for our success.

People will love you in an instant and will hate you the next day. It all depends on how you please them, on how how you act in accordance to what they believe is right and proper. If you allow them to box you up to their standard, soon you'll realize that that has been the day you're idealism has died. The moment you follow what others had told you to do, you become a part of the world that you have longed to change. What Mahatma Gandhi said about change is this: be the change that you want. If you have a dream put that dream to work.

Haters, no matter where you go, will follow you. That's the truth, so what do you do to them?Hate them to?Curse them? God said, love your haters. For haters are just confused admirers (@Revrunwisdom). They may judge you but let them be. The legendary Eraserheads band said 'do your own thing and stick with what you want'.

Yesterday was my commencement exercise and honestly I know that once I go back to work things will change but I don't care. Criticisms are good at some point because they make you realize that you are fortunate not to have the green-eyed monster hovering beside you and that you are not nurturing a little devil inside you.

As I graduate again this is what I have learned--be grateful for your achievements but always learn how to humble yourself and thank the One who have given you blessings. Feel the moment and then let go. Once you knew how it feels to be at the top start detaching yourself from that emotion and put your feet back on the ground. The crowns are not ours to keep but to throw off at the feet of Our creator. Use wisely whatever talent God has given us for there's no greater sin than ignoring God's gift.

My new day starts with a job interview, not typical for a person who just graduated but a good starting point. If this goes right then I believe I am finally reaping the fruits of my labor =) Hardships make us good persons. Do your own thing and stick with what you want. You don't have to be great to start but you have to start to be great. Fight the chaos. Dare to be different. Never be afraid of mistakes, keep a prayer in your pocket to guide you and always move forward towards the path of God!

Be useful. Be productive. Be happy~ Mr. Joseph Gallego

Likewise, urge the younger men to be self-controlled. Show yourself in all respects to be a model of good works, and in your teaching show integrity, dignity, and sound speech that cannot be condemned, so that an opponent may be put to shame, having nothing evil to say about us.

~Titus 2:6-8

And if you faithfully obey the voice of the Lord your God, being careful to do all his commandments that I command you today, the Lord your God will set you high above all the nations of the earth. And all these blessings shall come upon you and overtake you, if you obey the voice of the Lord your God.

~

Deuteronomy 28:1-2

apr 8, 2010 7.30am

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